Close the Door

“I’m sorry”
Words said so many times before
“I won’t do it again”

Another promise for breaking
“You make me crazy”
Words of love or words of pain?
“I need you”
So simple a declaration

“Why can’t you be…”
Better, quiet, obedient?
“If you’d only listen”
Words change meaning the same

“She fell while cooking.”
Another lie added in
“She walked into the door.”
Knowing looks of doubt

“You’re getting sloppy”
Your belt cracks down
“Please baby, forgive me”
Your tears melt my pain

“You’d be nothing without me”
Sometimes I wonder
“It won’t happen again”
I turn and close the door

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OH MY GOD!

I hope this post finds all of my friends and fans doing well. As many of you know, I have been diligently working on my first book, a collection of my darker poetry. Being as you all have been so patient in my downtime to finish it up, I thought I would share a funny little story of what just happened this past weekend.

Friday after a long week at my day job, I finally arrived home. I opened my screen door to go into my home and find a package fall out. As my arms were full, I juggled things around and got in the door. Setting it down on the counter, I saw that it was a package for me from Createspace, which would be the company that prints out the novels and books from my publisher. I think my stomach dropped through my toes when I realized what it was. The proof copy of my book. The final step before any book goes live to the public. It was here. I did the only thing I could think of at the time, I called my best friend and roommate, Benjamin Rogers. The following is a pretty accurate description of the next 30 second phone call.

Me: “OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!!!!!”

Ben: “It came didn’t it.”

Me: “I cannot open it ohmygod, it’s here, ohmygod, BEN!!!!!”

Ben: Chuckles, “Congratulations. I’m on my way home.”

Me: “No you don’t understand, it’s here, cannot open it, OH. MY. GOD!”

Ben: “Okay, I will be there shortly, we will take a look at it.”

Me: Squealing now “Gonna faint, gonna scream, gonna pass out, gonna throw up. Ben, OHMYGOD!!!!”

Ben: Smiling, “Beth, breathe.”

Needless to say, I didn’t pass out or throw up. I did scream though. I was shaking so bad I couldn’t open it on my own. Ben did rush home and he watched as I opened it and held a dream that I had never dared dream in my hands for the first time. The smile on his face told me more than words. He saw me everyday in my struggle getting these written, the emotional toll some of them took on me as I put them on paper. He was the one that put them all together and presented them to his publisher, Dr. Pus. In fact, if it were not for Ben, I would not be able to present this to the world. He did all the formatting and helped me with the edits of this.

Now that the weekend has gone by and we have looked through the proof to be sure that I present to you the best possible product, there are a couple changes, so the release will be delayed just a little longer. I want nothing but the best for my fans. Your support and continued following is what keeps me going. I hope to have a release date for you very soon. It should be in March, as well as with my list of appearances. In the meantime, if you go to www.pissedoffgeek.com you will get to see the very first review done on, Poetry From Beyond the Mist, right now.

I want to thank each and every one of you again. I want to thank Ben for all of his hard work and dedication to seeing this through for me. I want to thank my publisher Dr. Pus with the Library of Horror Press. I am humbled by your support and followings. I still cannot believe this is real. If I am dreaming, don’t pinch me, I never want to wake up. Oh my God!

Filled

Sometimes I just don’t understand life.  There are these days,  when there really isn’t a whole lot keeping me busy, and my mind goes off to that dark place that isn’t as warm and comforting as it once was.  It feels like there is this hole inside of me that is missing something, but I am still lost as to what.   Maybe I’ve always been lost.

I went to class like normal, paid attention, turned in my work, passed my tests.  It felt as if I was just going through the motions, like it was all just show, no substance.  I came home and did my chores and my assignments for the next day.  Sat at the table and had dinner alone, mom was off at her night job again.  The phone didn’t ring; no one came to the door.  I just sat there staring off into space, not lonely, just lost.

I took the dog for a walk and saw Jonie, she prattled on about Bobbie, the new boy in town and how dreamy he was.  I smiled and giggle with her for a while, it felt hollow, but she didn’t seem to notice.  After a bit I continued on down the street to the beach at the end.  Sammy, my pup, loved running on the beach, so I set him free off his leash while I sat down in the sand to watch the ocean and the sunset.

There is no place that had sunsets like our town.  The ocean was a deep crystal blue, and the sun would turn oranges and reds like a fireball.  For a few moments, just as the sun touched the horizon, it was as if the ocean was liquid fire, everything blazing with color and beauty.  For a minute, I swear I can hear angels singing with the glory of it all, even Sammy sat down next to me and was still and quiet.  The warmth that radiated from the water, a salty breeze caresses my face, the signing filled my mind.  It was as if this was a moment God was giving us a private preview of his true self.  So bright it was painful to watch, but the beauty captured you and you didn’t want to look away.  My heart soared.

As the last bit of fire dipped beyond the horizon, I stood up and took Sammy home.  Taking a quick shower, I dressed for bed, taking my medication, and hoping that the feeling of peace wouldn’t leave my soul before the next day came to do it all over again.  Waiting for that moment, when I could feel filled again.

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